Friday, September 13, 2013
2:43 PM
Finally, another milestone, i got 4 tooth extracted in a sitting. It may not sound like much BUT it is for me. If you had known me, seriously, dun get me on the topic of extraction, which is the exact reason i pushed off getting braces for like FOREVER.now, i just cant having yet ANOTHER opportunity fly past me without acting on it.
Come to think of , there were 3 times i came soooo close to getting braces but backed out at last minute.
One is on recommendation by the school dentist , i still went for the check up, and the consult, but ran away when told i need to pull out teeth, that was like sec 2 i suppose
after a few years of languishing and wasting of time, i went again to polyclinic to get a referral letter to a dentist but also, nothing happened cuz i was scared.
Third time, i queued up for national dental clinic and was told have to wait 3 years, i told them whatever, because that time i was in jc, and was still dreaming my air stewarddess dream.
now my turn after 3 years is here.
once again, the offer of braces served in front of me.
tired of waiting, went for it , and supposed to get extractions. i complained and whined to everyone who would listen, most of all D.
and the whole thing was done in 15 minutes.. and NOW i find that its seriously the LEAST of my concerns.
with the numbness i cant feel any pain at all, even now i've its worn off, i cant feel any pain.
just that the bleeding is a little annoying and the spaces in my mouth a little strange.
what really IRKS me is the rubber bands in my mouth :(( i've such itchy fingers and i cant poking at them, i just dun like the feel of something trapped in my teeth all the time.
rarrrr.... i just have to get used to it i guess. it makes me feel like i cant close my mouth properly.
The dentist gave me so much anaesthia that my mouth couldnt close for like 3 hours because it has no feeling and i cannot control it at all ( i took a cab) , and typed out my address on my phone. so i went home with mouth half open , stuffed full of bloodied cotton gauze.
Looking forward i do want pretty teeth.
i should be happy :)
finally ticking one thing off my bucket list
being proactive and going for something i want.
i'm sure i wont regret this in time.
i will set up a ticker , shall count down to the day when i can get the wretched thing off!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
10:47 PM
For, "ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF,Beauty is fleeting
Charm is deceptive
dance the night away dance the day away
without a care in the world
just that moment
as if the world is twirling around me
when the music stops , and so do everything
and suddenly the world looks dull and intrepid again.
why so impatient oh soul?
why so restless within me
why so unhappy
so unsatisfied
what it is that you want
that you need
demands demands demands
i'm my own devil's advocate
12:58 PM
Time flies,gotten a job
r/s hit the 2.5 yrs mark
but still generally feeling like i'm floundering.
this week has been particularly bad.
spent last night crying in front of the void deck cat in the middle of a huge thunderstorm
i'm not sure why i'm so uptight, and stressed. because i'm hardly doing much
now i'm asking for a short one week break from D to sort out my affairs and to grow some balls
because i dun want to affect him while i'm affecting myself.
struggling to be optimistic about life.
wondering why i'm struggling.
living by the hour, by the day ,by the week, by the month
and suddenly its 3/4 year past
Monday, May 13, 2013
9:20 PM
i really hate it when ppl ask for discounts repeatedly.although i have had caved in to cost pressures and given massive discounts for 'massive ' orders before, there will be this little nagging voice after that reinforces my doubts " see? no one likes your things, they only like it cuz its CHEAP. they will only buy it if its CHEAP.'
i dun want to belive that, i do know ppl like my style, my brand, my collection.
my strength in my brand is my ability to pick together a great collection of handmade things.
i'm not a pasar malam
not a bargaining bin
if you want $$$ off ,and argue " its only a pencil case, why sell $8?" den buzz off, i can do without your business.
seriously, i belive in my products, and my prices are very competitive.
even popular sells $8 pencil boxes, mass produced ones, with over commercialized cartoons on it. and an even tackier " popular " logo on it in neon.
but still you'll pay for that and not pay for mine ?
because its handmade..
because i'm a small business.
come on, dun give me that shit ok ?
the next person who comes and bargain dollars off with me,
i'll just say " you're welcome to look around, we believe our prices are competitive enough "
thats it
I REALLY MEAN IT.
so riled up... esp i'm in the middle of exams. no meetups means NO MEET UPS.
postage only means POSTAGE ONLY.
$8 MEANS $8
dun try to bargain 20 % off for an item selling at 50% below retail price.
unless you want me to charge you 100% retail price, and den give you 20 % off, i'll be glad to.
now take a hike or i'll jam my 5 inch stiletto heels in your bum and give you a headstart.
SUPER GROUCHY.. TRYING TO STUDY AND DEAL WITH DUMBSKULLS LIKE THESE. ..
rarrrrrrrrrrrrr
Friday, April 12, 2013
8:58 PM
its coming to an end, of a very long 15 years process ( 16 years if you count my gap year)and all i have now with me are dusty sheafs of carefully laminated papers that chronicle my progress
rarr
and so the job seeking officially starts, which is not all that surprisingly.
we all must reach this point, my friends in nus have already fretted over these issues since the beginning of the year.
but to me, its like all so unfamiliar.
hahah if i could just articulate myself in real life like i do here in this blog i would be fine !
hmmm, whats to say i cant right
just reminicsing.. time really passes ya ?
can feel myself changing into someone else
or maybe its called acceptance of one self
or started to think that responsibility isnt all that bad after all
whatever it is ... haiz
on to it, i'll get used to it
everyone will , one day
gambatte to everyone looking for jobs and navigating your way on the path to self discovery
what lies ahead is not really exciting, the exciting part is the sensing of a quiet ,internal and determined voice, the awakening of the self , that says " lets do it "
i'm interested to see where my road will lead, what i will like, what i will choose, and which doors will open for me.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
1:13 AM
whoa ,major walk down memory's lane,had this major rift with Dennis just last year, about last quarter of the year ( i never told anyone about it )
it was so bad that we broke up for a week
and i begged him to meet to talk after that week of cooling off
and you dun know Dennis,
he is pretty steadfast to his decisions once decided
and that was a REALLY crazy week yea,
just saw my blogposts and going whoa, that is something major, maybe i should re-read all those posts when i want to flare up for those inconsequential and stupid little things
hahaha
but things are alright now
they are really alright now
and i cant begin to be grateful for all the sacrifices we both made
and how far it is we've come, and i'm filled with optimism that things will get better ( as I grow more mature ! D - you know what i mean hahaha)
ok random emo-rant
goodnight :)
1:07 AM
Had a movie night out with Cat today, and somehow we got to the heavy topics of our uncertain futureshere we are, two 23 year old girls, on the brink of another major life transition- the working life
the last semester of university- LAST TWO MONTHS
how quickly and relentlessly time flies
and for the first time, felt really afraid of the future
like who m i , what i'm going to do
how is the rest of my life going to pan out
is marriage really on the cards or is a distant future, ( that probable future is starting to accelerate towards me and i'm scared)
and all these random thoughts ,it just started hitting me all of a sudden
and the realization and acceptance that i'm not the perfect being that i want to be, never was, never will be.
i'll never be the prettiest , the smartest, the luckiest etc etc etc
i'll never be as tall as those models, wont have those crazy flawless skin, ( have this silly dry-on-the-surface-but-oily-inside-skin that casues me to break out when i'm heaty in the slightest)
wont have the best memory,
wont have the best grades
wont have the best smile ( due to my teeth)
wont have the largest and prettiest eyes ( cuz of my fold in lids and my original pupil size)
---------------------------SIDE-TRACK---------------------------------------
( i found several letters that i wrote to myself when i was young - if you meet me ask me to show you if you're curious! i wrote letters to my future self, with " strict instructions" to open it after a certain age.
and they all say the same old things. be pretty, be smart, be successful, be cool, be sociable ( i din have an easy school life- and din have much friends) , have flawless skin, pretty teeth, pretty hands( i used to scratch my fingers- still do that now but much much lesser-only when stressed haha) nice legs ( i used to have these horribly scarred legs cuz i like picking scabs)- hahaha, if i could write a letter back to my young self,( about 9 years ? when i started developing a sense of self identity and spent countless hours thinking of who i want to be next time!) i would just give her a pat , and say, who you are , dun really change because of the age. you are the change. you change yourself, and the good point is, you can be anyone you like at any age. But i doubt the past me would understand because of her lack of experience ( and because of her stubborness- trust me i'm stubborn as a stupid old mule, once i have an idea, i'll cling to it like superglue), so i'll just let her continue writing her future letters for me to read now. hahaha
-anyway i turned out pretty alright now what :D
i'm pretty interesting ya? hahaha! i'm curious, who writes future letters to yourself huh ?
if i could write a letter to me when i'm 30 , it 'll be wishes that i'm very happy , living a peaceful happy life with ppl i love, surrounded by love, a job i love, 2 kids,a good husband and if marital bliss is not to be on my cards, just to be happy, and to BE AT PEACE WITH MYSELF)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
heck
i've been giving myself so much pressure
yea, i'm a vain pot if you've noticed most of the pressures are from external appearances
telling myself i cant do this, i cant do that, i must be this sculpted nice BRAINY quirky & smart model figure :(
true, life's like that, what i have i have
although i dun have a lot of things, i do have many blessings,
i should count my blessings
its a should.. cuz i cant fully grasp that feeling yet
perhaps its one of those things that come with age
that you start to accept yourself
accept that you're just another original girl , i'm just an above average girl, alright in all sorts
stop giving myself these unhealty pressures to be like the best
because i dun have the best criterias ( sadly speaking)
and that in itself, i hope that one day , i might feel like the happiest girl on earth, when i've fully learnt to appreciate my life
now its a definite no, i'm feeling like my life is wasted on me, cuz i can see nuts with this perfection praradigm that i'm unconsciously so obssessed with.
i want to be able to enjoy my life to my fullest now, instead of fretting over what it could have been better.
its almost a quarter of my life,
i need to start accepting and making use of what i have
该知足了，该放下了，该接受了
当个完美的人还不凡的累。。。
for the first time, i'm begining to see what Dennis sees when he talk to me about the future, how immature i m when i argue with him about emotions and stupid little things about " grand ideologies" , things like " i just feel like doing this " or " why cant things go my way"
feeling old as i type this
hahaha
starting to see a glimpse of the relaxed state
why fret so much, after all, with all my preparation and gan-chiong-ness, with Dennis here to advise me, i cant go too far wrong right ?
should start to learn to relax and enjoy the learning process, the process of being an adult
after all, only live once
acceptance ; keyword!
mostly
Toh Wan Qin Roxanne
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I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.
I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.
I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.
I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.
I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.
It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.
75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness
Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.
I am random and fickle like the wind.
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