Friday, March 19, 2010
12:14 AM
1) realised today that you dun have to tell everyone everything in order to feel " involved ".actually the more you're saying, the more you're putting your foot through your mouth, but that does not mean that i cant say anything.. but all about context.
Life is like a huge GP essay..
2)i have to learn how to restrain my emotions. i know that , we will influence people everyday just by doing and saying the things we do. but i guess i'm influencing people a little too much. a good supervisor at least does not allow her frustration , anger and stress to flow down to everyone else. what i need is a cool head! calm baby, calm..
one way is to control and hold everything in, but then my friends will become my punching wall, which i do not want.. and it'll be tiring for them and unfair to them too, to carry my life 's burden besides their own problems always. another way is to just deal with it .
i need to learn stress management! i need to learn how to relax .
i guess thats all for today.
random random musings bout wat's bein' a happenin
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
1:15 AM
I really want to be the girl you cant live without.the girl that will run through your mind all day.
the girl that you'll never get enough of
and the girl that you'll see being with you for the rest of your life.
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the " party " was really fun.
fun because we din get to go to it. :)
i gotten my birthday wish, sort of, i watched alice in wonderland with 3 of my best friends on the same day on the same sitting. and it wasnt awkward at all, all three met each other for the first time
alice in wonderland was gorgeous, but the plot was lost on me. the acting was not great, but the scenery sure is great :)
i guess its the effect of a green screen? i suppose its quite good for a film made entriely out of green screens?
after that we hopped over to mac where we grabbed something to eat. for me, i got "high tea", a slice of light fluffy choco cake and the most delicious mango smoothie ever.
i'll never forget the taste of that smoothie, i drank it to calm my nerves before i flew off to prague in my j2 year , me and mum was in the brand new terminal 3.
its been so so so long in which i could just be silly and crazy , and say whatever i like and do whatever i like.
kinda bad though, all 3 of them " ganged" up on me and took delight at my silliness.
in a way, i'm happy, to see all 3 of them enjoying themselves it made me glad as well. who cares if i'm silly? as long as everyone's happy?
i'm like the glue for everyone. and i like that feeling
but at least eugene made my day.
its always the small things that count. every brush of my feet against his pants under the table will make me sit up somehow.
( the table at mac is awfully small, FYI, i wasnt doing nothing!)
sighs, the cat that yearns for the moon?
i know this is probably a kinda impossible match.
but i still can wish ma.. still, have to move on with life, even though i want to wish.
:(
he's too simple for me, haha, we " fought" countless times over petty nothingness, just because i'm too cheem, and i think he's too simple. why the heck do you simplify everything to basic?
but he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me want to be a better person, be more adventurous, outgoing, happy, exuberant.
i dun think that's a bad thing at all..
and he's always supportive, i know that if i ask for his opinion, he will give it to be honestly, not based on what he thinks or conforms to, but what he knows i'll be happy doing.
in a way, becuase he's simple thats y he could analyse me like an open book.
i'm not a very independent person by nature, i mean, we all arent . humans are by nature dependant on each other. i'm just lonely now but i will no0t not not depend on him or anyone wholly. because when that day comes, i have become an invalid.
sighs, i will find the strength within myself to stand up, and carry on this facade that i dun need anyone but still knowing deep inside i'm prob very lonely.
lonely not as in sad miserable, no social life lonely.
more like a thrist for the other half that will help me become a better person.
haha, in my boss's terms, i'm desperate.
yep, i'm desperate, i'm desperate to be a better, more wholesome and happier girl. that's never wrong :)
-------------------------------------
so tired! stress today. five tenants came into the shop at the same time.
missing inventory and messy system just keeps getting on my nerves.
but on the flipside, i mangaged to convince this 38 year old guy to put his trust and money into the shop . woo hoo! :) great ;)
its always never about the money, but about little things like the satisfaction you get out of closing a deal, that normal ppl your age wouldnt be able to.
just , its been a fruitful day.. abeit long long day.
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i'm to blame as well. just borrowed this graphic novel from tim. it was about1.6 inch thick and i read it in one sitting on my bed, til sleep took over me last night.
but not bad, sleepy roxanne can still close deal :) feel happy.
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anyways. the party wasnt really a party.
reached there and was disappointed. it was nothing more den a loose gathering of tight knitted cliques scattered everywhere in the function room.
the room reeked of a silent desperation to look cool .
lols , young guys trying to act like jj lin and so forth. checking their hair and specs in the window's reflection everytime they walk past it.
worse, a group of 3 guys were smoking outside.
and the food was cookies.
and the organizer that paid 160 dollars for this party din turn up.
like O.o..
poor yansin, she kept apologizing, but she neednt had, it was really cool night, and i went out and took leave because of her, not because of the party.
anywhere where there are my friends, the party will follow.
so we took a cab to waraku at the Central at clarke quay and ate the most delicious meal.
the food was so so, but the interaction and conversation and banter was top grade :)
never had so much fun, never laughed so much in a while!
we washed everything down with sake, and yansin was in her element, teaching us all about japanese greetings. and eugene was hamming it up but insisting on speaking ( broken) japanese to the service staff,( that left them scratching their heads and looking very embarrassed-- many a service staff was quite eager to get away from our table)
we were noisy, crazy, loud.
we talked about sex, marriage, bungee jumping, travelling to hongkong, and even clubbing, amongst all the crazy things that we discussed.
i got a little high , i think, and started singing les miserables and west side story songs, and eugene joined in. i think tim and yansin was trying to stop laughing and pretend they dun recognize us.
finally we got off our butt at about 10.45 pm. and went downstairs to catch our last bus/ train/cab.
but was distracted by a life sized version of othello downstairs :)
that followed with another discussion of chess, go, othello, all the way to spoiled printers ( which brands are nicer) and finally to guitar hero.
like finally, we made our way down and yansin and me took a bus the opp side.
brillant gathering.
we should do it more often!
--------------------------------------------------
anyways just checking interest, anyone interested in going hiking in johor in search of waterfalls?
there will be bona fide true blue camping under the stars, cooking marsh mallows over camp fires. playing in the river and so on.
let me know!
i'm going hiking next year!
i dun care if you think i look that kinda girl who's more indoors, who's " high-class" , who cant survive without wet tissues and make up.
i'm crazy, and hence do crazy things :)
the more you think i cant do it, the more i wanna challenge it.
tsk tsk, rebellious roxanne.
:)
my dad used to hike a lot too, and got all the leeches infested photos of his legs to show for it.
i may not like it initially, but i WILL experience it.
so much for catching chickens and cookign them for dinner.
( gross idea thanks to eugene)
well.. at the very least, i'll one step closer to learning how to cook..
i cant hold anything raw and dead to save my life.
----------------------------------------------------
salute yansin who have had to touch cadavers as part of her anatomy module in uni..
shudders..
i still remember my dad's body.
i guess thats enough for me.
salute all pharmacist students!
Friday, March 12, 2010
11:05 AM
the NUS bazaar was a blast.met up with a lot of old bosom friends such as cat, yansin, and cs.
it was really fun talking to them but that made me realize how very very different each of our paths are.
i'm too childish really, talking about pursuing my dreams, only doing what i like all day long.
i mean, i totally lack discipline. even though i love this job so much, i can still be late by an hour.. abit too much dun i think?
also realized, i'm getting too skinny!
i never thought of it that way. i always prided myself as being thin, but now on hearing from my old friends that i became too skinny i took a second long, they might really be true ...
so hence, operation incease body mass begins
haha
i'll start off with proper 3 meals..
that in itself is a huge challenge.. i think
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
12:36 AM
All i want for my birthday is:time spent with someone who cares for me and who i care for
to be able to feel like a little girl, do what i want, say what i want, to not be in control of anything( its tiring you know to be in control..)
lots of hairbands
alice in wonderland inspired album( almost alice) and alice in wonderland's movie soundtrack
a huge tub of yoghurt
pretty and comfy lounge pants and singlets
nice smelling bath lotion
sleep ( lots of it)
and after my birthday, i'll wake up from my petulant little-girl personality and go back to being strict everything-must-be-in-control rigid roxanne.
Toh Wan Qin Roxanne
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profile
I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.
I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.
I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.
I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.
I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.
It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.
75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness
Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.
I am random and fickle like the wind.
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