sobbx
Thursday, June 30, 2005
6:36 PM
oh man...i m so freakingly depressed todae....one of my frens jus told me some stuff abt me ppl r spewing...wat's de matter wif dis guys...haha....they say i grp wif guys...u noe Y?? cuz de girls dun wanna grp wif me mah...den if i dun grp wif them...hu else can i grp wif....myself?? surre...den ppl will start harping on how ap i am...wat crap!! whichever way, i stil lose...so ?? gad..i m trying my best to kinda change all my "bad" pts..well, but if ppl stil keep seeing me in de old way..well, i cant help it loh..i m me, if ur dun lyk de way i m, tt's too bad..i m jus made lyk tt...if u tink i m ap....i cant help it too..sobbx...well, i dun control ur brains..........................aw well,tok la...go on...yea, me m transparent...one day, ur gonna face de same grp of ppl too..wait til they slowly strip u of ur layers of diginity an self confidence, ur self esttem...til u r nthg but an empty worthless shell...so go on...
despised
lonely
unloved
sad
its raining again today......rain rain pour ba........
6:14 PM
my oh my....how Stupid rumors travel de furthest...esp if it is said by gays hu luvs purple...wat a disgrace to our sch....first they say i stead wif blah, den now is blah2 ...wats the matter wif dis underaged ppl?? so interested in hu stead hu....so despo meh? they wan bf an gf den go spend their quality time on tt instead of toking behind ppl's backs on something tt has no truth in it...sheesh, i swear i had nthg to do wif them in tt sense...but, haha...thinking back, i found tt these ppl hu lyk to tok so much r quite gd lohz...so CONCERNED abt my welfare...wa,i m SOO touched..thank u so much but No thanks...go find urself a gf or bf an spend time wif them....that will take much of ur free time i guess, den they will stop gossiping liaoz...haha...or is it dis ppl r so damn worried abt their precious chinese oral exam tt they have to make a gigantic molehole out of every possible subject???haiz...poor ppl..(shake head), they have to keep toking abt all de things tt is happening around them so they will not lose touch...pathetic...should feel sori 4 dis POOR ppl...dun u agree??haha...colded~~snow snow
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
2:45 PM
yo..today, i had some sorta "china" camp in schwe<3d,> 70 over ppl cramped in tiny rm
wif super duper duper COLD air con on Full blast!!
tok abt cold....absolutely FREZZING
an i was sitting in front of the blasted air con!
haiz...so me ended up wif cracking blue lips and
millions of goosebumps
i swear all my hair were standing up...
scary....
kk, de course was abt china...how to dress and sit
wat's their culture..wat they toking there
blahblah
and how many percentage religion X and so on
and so forth...gad
very informative..but too cold...found me self nodding off
so sad..haha...tml stil have to go...
will go armed wif my thickest sweater
wrap myself up lyk dumpling...hehe
well..tml's course is sumthing abt the ppl
hu r impt in china's history
tawn..jus wat i need..another dose of history
and DATES so take note of....
bleah....so there
wish me luck ppl...
haha..for de camp and for my project
i seem to have de ability to piss everyone
off at the end of every meeting..
well..haha, wat can i say
hope tt dosent happen...
bleah~ unmasked finally
Friday, June 17, 2005
3:12 AM
this few days, after all the camps...i FINALLY had time to think of things bwt me an S. Of course now i stil really lyk him and wish to be 2gether...but its not so bad le...ok...both our personalities r eons apart fr one another and both of us exists in diff brainwaves..so we kinda ran out of things to say...an he is tt kind of guys hu r "quiet", meaning he toks very lil so i dunno wat he thinking 1/2 de time...haha...more lyk a lack of chemistry ba...
I was VERY VERY upset when he said tt he might lyk another girl...ya, i was thinking then tt he got bored of me le ...trying to dump me...well...a bit stupid but tt time i was a bit fanatic...an me feeling tt i've blown it...blown my chance...well, i dun have lots of self confi of self esteem, so i was quite hapi to noe he lyks me...ya, den he wanted me to change...an i was so pissed off.
i mean if he lyks me he should lyk all my flaws and strengths and wat nots mah... and den i went home an cried not really becoz he pissed me a lot but becoz of self pity....
kk...i noe i not really reasonable here, but wat would u do at dis time??
saded...kk,i used to think abt him de whole day la, lyk y he didnt msg an stuff...gg crazy...so now m relieved of this " torture".... very tiring..i jus cant control meself
haha..funny..i dun mind him being pervertic or sick or watever...i jus wan him to RESERVE his pervyness for me- even though i'll nvr be super chio, or super understanding or wear sexy clothes...i wan him to lyk me for hu i m, ever since we confessed, we have been quarelling..maybe it was a bad thing to do...hmm...
i jus want some geninue TLC from him..is it too much to ask??
mixed feelings
Monday, June 13, 2005
3:34 PM
yoyovery tired ah
my legs r aching lyk mad
dis few days veri siao lohz
packed wif so much thngs
first got choir camp
on last mon
6th of june
me an grp ran all over sentosa
haha..me m oldest..den veri lei
make all de decision..not fun..
cuz i veri blurrz la
keep interpret clues wrong
hmmm..den got water bomb
got drenched fr head to toe
sad...but funny
after tt got pass de parcel
kanna hit la
den have free banana facial
haha...
den i rest for a few days...go church camp be helper
wa...very tired
look after 6 p3, 3 p4, 1 p5, an 1 p6
exhausting
den they kept wanting to play murderer
sheesh..haha
getting a bit sick of it le
now i no voice le
scream too much...
errr...me sick an dying ah
haha..no la...kk..
FINALLY over..can orh orh le
oh sheet! my homework..
all havent finish
oh..sighz...cannot rest le
till then ba...oh ya
for all de ppl in thai grp in camp
if ur got see dis post
look for my cards in de post hor
toodle do
got to go
HEY PPL...tag something leh??
i wan some tgs
sob..sob...haha
mine so empty la..jus got new box
old one bust liaoz...
kk...bb ppl....
better go le
den ur say i luo suo
haha...
haha
Sunday, June 05, 2005
6:15 PM
yo..its me again...too bad la...no one lyks me le lohz...too bad...wa..i tot i had a fren in person I...but never did it occur to me tt personI could be jus lyk everybody else...haiz...too bad lohz...wa..wait for clas to lyk me ..an how long is it gg to take ...haha..probably a million years ba..so there...mite as well say never give me chance..bleah..i not despo for frns though..haha..stil can survive de..well..if tts ur choice..lyk i said..wat can i say?First impression LASTS....so wat can i do??
Dunno...
me not gonna cry...haha..used up all my tears...wat tragedy...wat agony
SADED
ahhh
12:22 PM
Its too lateIts too late
Its too late
brought dis
on myself
it snuck up on me
before i could do anything
how iwished i haven't
made dis stupid blunder
wat's done is done
"sori" have lost its effect
i m resigned
lost
weary
heartbroken
i relly didnt mean it
but wat use is it now?
gd question..
its too late le
wat is wrong wif me?i found tt dis few days when i meet person I, i will change into a totally different person i didnt knew exist..its a bit scary to hear "her" spouting words fr my own lips..words tt de old me would nvr say..freaky..lyk i'm possessed..funny thing is tt i didnt think abt it til i reached home an discovered de things tt "i" did. this is bad..it is putting a heavy strain on our relationship...person I's angry an confused..i could tell..jus too polite to tell me..i feel bad...feel mad an confused..wanna cry..let my tears wash away dis embarrassing an horrible event fr my mind ba....cry myself to slp...
wat's happening? i would lyk to noe too..can someone tell mi??
i dun feel lyk seeing j again...but if i dun..cant rest my heavy heart...dunno wat to do..stuck in de middle...maybe me m too tired..we're both tired...perhaps its time to take a break...maybe ba..den y do i feel its all my fault??
Dear God...pls guide me..me dun wanna feel sad ..hu on earth is dis person in me..she is everything i dun wan to be..she ruining my life!!....:( dear God..let it rain ba..jus lyk how my tears r pouring...let de raindrops fall, falling...i feel lyk a fallen star, abondoned by all..depressed, crying.....y dis is happening to me..
hmmm..maybe its is de things i do..i yearn to be accepted, to be free, to be loved. to be cherished an respected...sigh..dun everybody? But i jus cant do it!!!! me m big failure....sometimes i feel i m pathetic, onli capable of saying sori an crying....ya...so WAT if i'm pathetic? wat else can i do?
some of my juniors said i have mental depression...really? maybe ba... sometimes i not sure of hu i m.. wat i'm doing an y....haha..ppl tell mi i gt depression..me dun tink so..honestly.. i tink depression means being sad for a minium of two weeks?? dunno..my case different...it acts lyk a nasty sharp needle..every once in ablue moon..when things get too quiet..i'll be caught unaware..den will get pricked...an "she" will appear an make her presence known...
dunno ba...haha.i tink a may be exaggerating a bit too much le
To I:
u r a nice person...ya....but sat thingie is not really a matter of whose fault it is..we're both wrong in some way la...i tink more lyk case of diff personalities...well..i noe i gt some bad pts..no one's perfect...i feel tired emotionally...ahhhh..dun wan pretend le...tell u..i'm sori i m persistent..hmmm..its give-an-take ah..relationships r lyk tt..u have to learn to accept each other's shortcomings....i admit..i suck at it...when i m by myself..i jus have to tink for meself..wif others.. i have to tink before i do or say anything...tinking how de person would react...sad...plus..i feel tt u have fault too..dun be angri ah..its jus tt u can get a bit boring sometimes...an i get bored..so i veri sian sian an say crazy stuff, erm.. i m not accusing anyone here..jus speaking my mind...so i wishing tt we could give each other another chance...i m stil trying my best to change...wat abt u? would i get another chance? or is it all over.. i dun mind really..life is lyk tt..u either win or lose..win u hapi, lose u sad..dis is life..how cruel..
dIShInG+ oUt=CrAp~haha :p
Friday, June 03, 2005
3:19 PM
haiztodae damn tired
after being killed by de com
for countless times
yesterday
stil have to drag
meself to sch
for physics
at 7 30!!!!
wat an unearthly hour...
in holidaytime summore
wah
super suai
reached sch
found tt i dint noe venue
for remedial
climbed fr lvl one
to lvl four
com labs, special rms
all dun have
wa..if my stamina dosent
improve
go kill my mr teo
he said exercise makes perfect
he said one hor..haha
watever
kk...den
saw maria walking in
(got saved)
haha
followed her
to west cluster rm
an had moi lesson
well
de moral of de story here is
if u wanna be thin
jus be blurr
haha
kk
(kt...r u reading dis)
hiaz..bcuz of my blurrness
did unneccessary stuff
kk..me had better go
or else ur will start throwing tomatoes
at me....haha
but y would ur dirty ur own screens
hehe
food for thought
till nxt time ba...
Toh Wan Qin Roxanne
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I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.
I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.
I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.
I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.
I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.
It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.
75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness
Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.
I am random and fickle like the wind.
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