Friday, April 30, 2010
12:36 AM
Recently been feeling rather strange. Its like my hormones are raging way overboard, either i have an over exaggerated reaction to things or i become super emo.i've also started feeling more and more like a woman, sounds strange, but i used to think that being a girl is a disadvantage , crying is a disadvantage, and being weak is a disadvantage.
but i guess there is beauty in it.
i guess booncheong may be right, its just this age thing? haha, pre-adult-hood crisis.
i'm excited about turing 21..
and my birthday just passed, i wanna do a lot of things :)
and i do wish i can find my other half,
lols, desperado, perhaps, this may be because of my small social circle.
i've always been comfortable with a few really really close friends.. usually one or two at any given time.
i'm dependant that way, and i'm independent in another way, in the way i show my true self to those few close people who matter so i can handle things no matter what comes my way.
it seems that this blog is the only neutral medium for me to pour all the messed up trains of thoughts onto some horizontal platfrom so i can see them more clearly.
humans are biased in one way or another, and everyone has their own preferred opinions, maybe thats y i find it hard to trust someone and tell them all these messed up strands of thoughts, and be at least 99% sure that they really do care.
rar.. i'm feeling bored with my current situation.
it feels comfortable.. which is what i DUN LIKE.
i'm really starting to contemplate taking up some class, new beginings, new life, new people.
i wish i can meet someone some day who makes me feel as everyday is different, doing different things, trying crazy things, creating awesome memories.
most of the guys i meet dun really wanna try new things.. reverse bungee jump? no thanks! camping overseas, too risky.. no time.. got school. Go to JB and watch sunrise and eat breakfast? too far, lazy.
come on...all i want is some support to do what i wanna do. half the time when i suggest these crazy ideas, i'm scared too. i need someone to be scared with me. i need someone who's " crazy" like me. i dun think i'm crazy half the time, i just want MORE in a way, i want more out of my day, out of my life, out of my experiences.
normality is alright too, i'm not saying i want some crazed erratic fellow who is too spontaneous, normality should only be a basis for any relationship, i want more to be built on from that base.
normality is comforting too, once in a while, i'll need that, but not tonight.
the normality i'm happy and comfortable with is the people, as long as he/she is there, i'll go, i trust him/her and that is enough for me. whatever comes, i'm sure he/she wont ditch me and run.
i dun know why i get so bored with things..
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
9:58 PM
I've been watching this korean love series today. I dun usually do that, but its a really good show with brillant acting and believable characters. Probably the female lead had a really complex mindset which drew me to the show.
Still i can help but cry at the tender parts, man, i haven done that in a while :)
haha :) happy,
also i like the male lead, xiao huan. did i mention, his build is damn nice? XD
man, if i was a guy, i'll prob go the gym and train up to look like that. he looks super nice in fitting shirts with fitting sleeves.
i think the director prob milked this to the best advantage, cuz the whole show, he was dressed in outfits like this.
begining to appreciate muscles on guys i think, for me.
there was a period of time muscular guys totally turned me off, but i see it can be a good thing :)
the female and the male lead , well he looks quite handsome to me. i guess its the kind of looks that grows on you, i prefer these kind of looks on my guy next time.
the female lead is very brillant in acting. The expressions are rich and meaningful and I totally loved her moxie. She's a very courageous, brave girl who can weather the storms while knowing how to take care of herself.
Here's the male and the female lead again.
He looks damn nice in this outfit! I guess some guys just looks nicer in an outfit den others? just as its the same with girls?
the happy cast!
i give it a 5 stars rating! do check it out!
totally fantastic story with believable plots, unexpected twists and gratifying moments ( when they kiss ) haha.
is it me, or do the directors purposely direct shows this way, so that the viewers are on the edge of seat, because they KNOW for sure, dun know how they know it, but they will be able to see a kiss coming like 1 kilometre away? the change in music? the slight tilt of the head? the rapture in the eyes as they gaze at each other ? XD
so corny and clique, but it works as a good carthatic reliever as we see these scenes play out in front of us.
go grab the show and watch it! you wont regret :)
go grab the show and watch it! you wont regret :)
1:08 AM
just recieved this dress from dressabelle today..sheet disappointed.
firstly the fabric is thin, ( that's quite fine actually, just that i've have to wear safety pants) , and the size is all wrong!
it was stated it can fit up to uk 12, but it cant even fit me, hello, i'm a uk6-8...
what i hate is , WHY MUST YOU FREAKING LIE ON YOUR WEBSITE?
so can i assume that they are just holding up one dress after another, and saying, hmmm, this looks spacious, we're just write uk 12.. isnt that stretching the truth a little far?
you mean the guide on the site is just to make themselves look more professional and more trustworthy without actually being so?
the guide is to help customers imagine the size of the clothing, so as to drum up sales for themselves, and to be helpful and professional, so that we will not have to keep asking similar questions like what size can it fit..
for goodness sake, please measure it before you state uk 12~
it cant even go past my shoulders.
and i even lost weight this month cuz i have not been eating well.
what the sheet...
you mean they dun actually try it on to gauge the size?
thats so shitty and dishonest..
you may have cheated me of my 26.50, but you have lost my trust.
lost all those people's trust.
i will never ever buy from dressabelle again.
i'm so freaking agitated now, cuz i was so so looking forward to this dress... and now it totally killed and destroyed my whole mood...
rar....
so so angry.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
1:12 AM
i guess, its really the small things that matter for me.a silly silly girl indeed.
a happy silly girl.
i can be strong and aloof to everyone.
but to some people, the people who are close to my heart, whatever tiny things you do really touches my heart ( or turn me away) . but you will always have the power to reach me, even when i'm sinking deep down into my own emotional depths.
to these people, i allow you to see me in this state, vulnerable, silly, crazy.
cuz you're important to me :)
i dun care if i need to depend on someone. cuz that makes me happy and i'm satisfied.
i can act like i dun need anyone and anything to the whole world, but not to these people. and that's enuff :)
i'm kinda blessed.
12:45 AM
i think i'm rather sillly.must things always be so personal? or does that mean that i have low self confidence.,
i'm tired of things always meaning something ,
and i'm sick and tired of trying to win someone's approval.
a silly silly girl .
i work for my own .
no one else.
i work cuz i like it and want to .
not because of any acknowledgements .
i wish i could be like this. stead i'm the opp.
in the aspect, i guess me and liyan are rather similar ? :)
i dun think i'll be forever in sunflower, and i dun think they would want me forever too.
emo
sighs..
i guess, no matter how hard i work, it will always be fhank booncheong den me.
i'm not a poh, hence i'm expendable?
just another manager?
perhaps, the reason y i lasted so long is because i have power, and m given power?
self doubt. how i hate it.. creeping and eating away at all that i believe in.
rar.. i just wanna throw something at someone or something. i guess in times like this, i really need a person to talk to.
i dun give a damn if you think that i'm weird or emo, cuz i know that i'm normal and thats enough for me.
stupid mood swings, just swing over fast and leave me alone.
i want something to hug..
Thursday, April 08, 2010
1:11 AM
feeling so rarr.. and lonely tonight .went out with cat and eugene and tim to watch how to train a dragon.
honestly my heart's not on the show at all cuz eugene happened to be sitting next to me.
superficial i guess but i cant really help it.
in a low low mood.
the more i hang out with him, the more i feel we're different.
i guess he doesnt care for me that way, but its alright.. actually not alright..
sighs, i just want to move on.
stress and what nots.. i need a vacation.
more and more, i feel like i'm burying myself in work to forget about things.
i hate this depressing roxanne, hope that the lively girl will come back soon.
perhaps i've just been waking up on the wrong side of bed, and also because i care too much about things i shouldnt have cared about it the first place.
thank goodness cat came with me today. :)
or i'll feel more lonely.
you know what they say about being physically together but you'll still feel lonely?
the feeling totally sucked.
well, plus the aircon spoiled, so its really really freaking hot . plus my mum refuses to open the window cuz some guy upstairs always smokes and she hates smokes..
blah day totally.
----------------------------------
i just need to get more confidence..
also i dun want to fight with booncheong over petty issues always, even the rest of the girls are noticing it.
Is it me thats anal?
have i done something wrong?
i dun think so.. i just really need to get my act together.. and i'm feeling lonely still..
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
1:31 AM
feeling up for retail therapy :)been tired this few days
rarr!
Friday, April 02, 2010
1:14 AM
Just when i thought i wont get hurt anymore, i gave my heart away.and it hurts not getting the reciprocation i needed.
from the very start, i knew this will never happen still i hoped. luckily i've matured enough to be practical and din give my whole heart away.
i made sure i treated myself well, and deposited reguarly into my own emotional savings to make sure that if one chunk of my heart is missing, i can still continue in my own life with minimal interruption.
I guess reality is the best medicine, wake me up from this la la land i wish i was in.
Relationships is very hard, i dun think i'll ever understand them. i guess that 's y there's all these emo songs that sings of spurned love which made it to the top charts.
there must be alot of lonely ppl out there if these kind of songs appeal to the audience.
now, WHERE are all these lonely people?
so for this reason, i'm gonna work my ass off, perhaps, i'll learn something more about myself in the meantime and mend my heart back.
the closer you are to someone, the harder it is to shake them off your mind.
Toh Wan Qin Roxanne
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profile
I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.
I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.
I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.
I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.
I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.
It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.
75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness
Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.
I am random and fickle like the wind.
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