dad

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

2:50 PM

recently, I am really interested in a movie called King and the Clown. i promised that if i finished all my homework in my timetable by Friday, I shall reward myself with the movie.
Today is Dad's 52th birthday. i wonder if i could pray to God asking him to take care of Dad?
Can i do that? Will be "accidentally idolysing" Dad? Sometimes, I cannot talk to people about these topics as they are kind of sensitive.
this is the link for King and the clown.http://mov.kingsman.co.kr/Main/mainPage.htm

haiz, tomorrow is the deadline for the DSA form. I am rushing my proposal late into the nightm gosh, i'll only have 5 hours of sleep today.Icould barely keep my eyes open.
I'm getting my testimonial from mr ong tomorrow and also have to face the music with Mrs lee. who asked me for telling my class the wrong information about when to hand in the physics homework.
i' m not really in a good mood, the one thing i hate about being a physics rep is getting accused.
I got accused by _ just now on msn, he started off the conversation with " i thought you are supposed to ....( do this do that)" , and it enraged me a great deal. I mean, i know i should be responsible so i had to use a lot of willpower to soften my tone and avoiding from just lashing outright.
hiaz, i hate school. i really do. i think i have used up all the energy i stored up over the holidays just today.the teachers were stockpiling us with homework and my less than enthusiastic class partner is not helping either.
i wonder,where Dad is now?
is there a holding place for believers?
or does he go straight to heaven?
i really want to know, but i guess it's impossible
i miss dad.
Happy 52th birthday Papa!
i'm going to sleep le.
Good night Jesus, good night papa! XD

"selling" myself

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Friday, June 23, 2006

2:11 PM

lol, i never tot i would have a problem trying to "sell" myself
sheesh, i've aways wanted a chance to brag about my achievements unshamefacedly, but now i'm stuck staring at this dreaded and really kiam chai DSA form. i finished filling in most of the blanks cept for one really infuirating column.( man, i hate that question)
how i stand out from the others. by being me?
but i've no idea how to start, let alone write, just have a few vague ideas here and there.
heck, this is making me really nervous
i really want to get into Hc which is y i'm so slow on this form cuz i want it to be just perfect. now, i'm trawling the internet on tips for writing resumes and testimonials. a lot of help it was.
help
writer's block.just hearing the word HC DSA would "summon" butterflies in my stomach.
i really want to make a lasting and good impression, but have no idea how to package myself so that i'll really be more noticeable than the other applications. and time is running out...
sobb

pictures

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

6:15 AM

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5:50 AM

haiz
i;m being emotional again
but still, i feel like crying
recently, i've always felt as if i;m losing bits and pieces of myself to certain events
feeling the raw hole inside
i always end up hurt
cuz i place my disappointments and hopes on ppl
mere ppl
for example, myself
and when i fail
i feel like dying
even more so now
den i can go up to heaven
but thats no right
where is my joy in living
i used to be so happy
wat happened to my lost childhood?
wat happened to my realtionship with God?
i surrender
i declare this a personal red code
i have to study
it seems so cliqued
i've said it a million times
but never actually done it
i wished i was in a neighbour hood school
cuz i'm feeling the stress
among the bests
i'm no best
just me
and yet i know, God allow me to come to this school because he knows i can handle it
really?
i didnt even know i could
out strung
i wish....
God, wat should i do now?
teach me how to do, wat to do, how to start
step by step
my heart is so painful....

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5:39 AM

should i even have entered DSA?
should i even hand in the form, its due date is 28th of june.
should i?
should i?
no
yes
no
no
no
yes
yes
yes
no
no
no
no
no
yes
......
the dice is of no help
i cant hear God
where r u?
tell me wat to do?

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5:26 AM

frankly, i think i had just killed myself.as i leant over the balcony, was thinking about one of those police shows where someone plummet over the railing to death. i was really nervous den, its was almost my turn so i occupied myself with morbid thoughts. i wonder how i would look if i jumped down? wat postiton wound i be splayed in? blood spray where?
haha, its a bit crazy tho, but i was really freaking panicky, it really seemed like a dream. this whole dreaded audition. if i had to describe it in one word, it would be "impromtu". i suddenly got afflicted with bad sore throat yesterday. i cant even sing ten notes w/o cracking this morning.haha, i met up with pinghwee, yanneng, liying and zhenkai.we got to the venue, blk B. evonne was late so we trudged out way in.sad.
i had virtually done zero preparation and was really shocked when the others turned up with prepared songs, prepared speeches, prepared and certified documents....all ready to go.me?
"i tot they'll only test u chords?" O.0
so the interview... someone came in and called us out one by one.
"wat can u contribute to the choir?
"......SYF experience? voice? make it more fun?"
"passion, learning, achievement, which is more impt?"
"......passion"
"can u elaborate?"
"....."
......
.....
.....
sucky
i went in second last for the interview and was the last person to return to the classroom. my interview was super long, i was stuffed with loads of questions, i think they were not sure, thats y i was given an extra dosage of questions.my L1r5 was like the worst there. never have i felt so damn inferior..er, maybe not in a long time.
..................................
then, SUDDENLY, a gal came in and said: please prepare a song for the audition.
me: wat song? wat song?
sheet
like everyone else is there humming their chosen song, me there pulling my hair out, breathless, panicking like crazy.i've never liked auditions. fullstop.
one by one the ppl around me were led downwards to the music room.hah, felt claustrophobic, music room my head, more like a lecture hall, with sloping seats so u're the centre of attention. could hear ms ling playing scales inside for the applicants to sing. there were at least abt 10 butterflies in my tummy. ok, i admit, i freak out totally under pressure, ok?
damn pissed with my self. y m i so scared? i just cant seem to shut up, shut down, and relax.
have i mentioned that i could hear liying from the 4th floor, when she's on the third floor, in the so called music room?
how can i beat that?
"y should we choose u?"
"....because i can sing well? my range is high, and i'm audible? i'm confident?"
screw all that.
me the liar
sucky.
torture time, got called into the torture chamber.
my whole body was shaking, literally, i cant sing well
no breath.
didnt hit notes accurately
wobbling around like crazy, like a jelly
my voice?
i should be thankful i can even sing
this morning i sounded like a toad. honest, i can only sing alto and tenor.
it really showed how useless i'm by myself
God gave me back my voice for the audition. i screwed up, big time.
exposed........
now i really wished i learnt archery, or bowling, den i can whack like crazy.
scales...she played this tricky one i cant get....she actually sang for me. hello? isnt it supposed to be my audition?
where has my skills gone to?
no techniques. sight read sight til i can vomit blood.
no rythmn, no tone, no melody, no nothing.
all i can feel at that time is someone in my brain telling me to "just plod on..just get it over with."
sight sing, she sang for me la, wat the heck.
i have no sheng shuan le.
guess i'll have to go in through the normal route.
no breath
no support
no tone
tons of airyness
devastated....
*poof* there goes my dream
wat have i done this four years in choir
wat have i done this 10 years of piano
i feel like i dun want to sing ever again
never
ever ever
..........
.............
...............
........
.............
i hate myself
i'm so disappointed in my self.
in myself
......................
..............
..............
......................
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................./.

tribute to Dad

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

3:00 PM

Tribute to papa
its father's day again.
as usual, if u were here, i'll give u ur annual tie
and we're decorate the table wif gifts
waiting for u to come home
happy father's day papa!

"papa, ni ke yi bang wo zhuo zhe ge shou gong ma?...
"papa, ni you mei you idea for zhe ge project?....
"papa, wo ming tian ke yi he peng you chu qu ma?...
"papa, er tong ying, you yi ge niu hai yao xing ju...
"wo hen kai xin..
"papa, Australia ying japan lei....
"papa, fu qing jie kuai le!..
"wo hen xiang diu ni shou... papa good night, jesus good night!"

happy father's day
this year,i 'm still giving a tie, only it has to be virtual le :(

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Friday, June 16, 2006

10:30 AM

i was tagged by my friend zy, to go see his blog.
this was wat was posted:
"The tagged victim has to comeup with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment at their blogs.
If you are tagged the second time, there is no need to do this AGAIN.
The most impt rule: have fun doing it."
hmmm, thats hard. ^_^

#1 a christian
#2 honest
#3 caring
#4 sharing
#5 devoted
#6 appreciate art and music, not just pop, but most genres, esp classical :D
#7 understanding
#8 on the same brainwave as me

*male of course O.O
i've shared, now its ur turn!
i'll tag georgina, yujay,ezra, chin soon,corrine,grace, catherine and weijie

children's camp

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

10:44 AM

from left:
3rd row: zhenzhen lao shi, luo yang(shaun),wei lun,tian xiang,guang xiang,wan mai
2nd row:zhi li, ye ni, jia jun, ying ning, jia xuan
1st row: me:)
i just returned from church camp now. i'm not a camper, but a counselor.its's supposed to be for primary school children.
it's really tiring..haha
but really fulfilling.tired..yesterday went to eat cup noodles at 12am. at shell, in the morn after bathing..teachers have to bathe at night to prevent congestion for the kids during bathing hour. the uncle manning the counter was so pissed la, we messed up the place a lil. also, policemen came to ask y so late we not at home.lala, i'm 16 le..cant catch me! ^-^
here's a foto of my group: ren ai(love)
we won the award for the best cheer.at least we had a prize, so my promise to them that with me as leader, they're sure to get something didnt go empty..
will rite more lata..tired..

sentosa's balloon hat festival

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

1:32 PM

i went to the balloon hat fest at sentosa wif kt and benchow today. it was really infectious and my ears are still throbbing to the rhythm of the jazzy band songs...cool. O.o irony!the weather was like so unrelenting, but i had so much fun! since all three of us live near each other, we met up and left for sentosa at eleven thirty, we took 61 and it was a long ride. sadly, the almost perfect day was marred by the constant worry abt ben's lost digital cam.its seems to have got lost on bus 61..hmmm, i feel so guilty la, i asked to see it on the bus, guess he didnt put properly and it fell out?
hiaz, nvm, we got to harbourfront thanks to ben's trusty map,and arrived at the palawan beach.thats when we realised that we didnt bring NO mat.haha, before we took the bus to sentosa, we recieved a free tabloid sheet called "wo bao", we each had a copy so we spread it as mat instead...O.o, if the producers knew their hard work ended up as mats for ppl..well..haha
after that we jus sat around and listened to this really noisy dj and his incessant chatter.he seemed to be introducing this balloon store which sold hats to ppl (which is y e festival is called balloon hat festival)haha, wat tickled our funny bones was the entrance of patrick and spongebob square pant, the dj was so funny. his commentary went like this:
dj:hey ppl, come and see patrick star!(haha, a star fish , geddit?)
dj:u can come and take photos wif him! but dun push, becuz if patrick falls down, he'll take 2 years to stand..
us: O.O..(pretend to go over and push patrick )
after this enjoyable intermission, the bands start to perform, first yuhua followed by rv.
it was nice and soothing, esp this song called" thats wat u r", rv band was ok la, but the selection of songs seems a bit too cheena...sobb, not really the kind of image we want to portray.
three of us were lying on our newspaper mat and staring into the sky and listening to the music when this lady hu works for Kodak came to take our pic, if we liked it, we could purchase it.it was superbly and grossly overpriced la, $15 for ONE photo...is it made of gold?O.o, the man kept trying to push this package in our face, saying its only $25, its REAL GOOD VALUE. as if.
after the shoot, we went to 7-11 to eat, and came back to build a swimming hole, haha, just as we finished it, we were told to vacate the premises as the bands will need the space for marching on the beach.we shifted places and went to have an ice kachang.that time was abt 5.30pm, and the parade started, we took off to the southernmost point hoping to get a good view, but it was too far so we went down again.have i mentioned it was sweltering hot?
the atmosphere was so hype and infectious, with all the bands and the drums hitting out a jumpy ryhthm...coupled with whistles and cheers and shouts, and the dj's voice blasting, u can just declare deaf.i saw melvin, my sch's drum major, i was hoping to see him toss his mace , but didnt get a chance..sobb
after all the colourful chaos(all the bands were wearing costumes and balloon hats, one band had doramon hats , another elmo, another had minifootballs in their hats..cool!), we walked out of sentosa, cuz the queue extended right to the outside of the departure centre, it was so scary la.
ben went off for his family gathering and me and kt went home together.
tired, but fun
i hope i can go out again, but once again..3 more weeks left to finish all my homework, revise all my stuff, and read up on future stuff, all this plus time to grow spiritually and artistically, and have time to have a social life and manage church stuff..sobb
i really hope that ben could find back his digital camera. we called the lost and found but there's no news yet.we boarded the bus 61 at jalan jurong kecil at 11 30am today.if anyone boarded the same bus or have seen it pls tell me. its a canon camera and has abt 5.1 megapixels, silver in coulor in a black pouch.
thanks!XD