puzzle pieces

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Friday, October 28, 2005

12:30 PM

Listless. There 's a pooh jigsaw puzzle in my room, just like my life...in pieces,easily broken...i stare at it, a morose state. I don't feel like doing anything. And O level is 4 days away...congrats to myself..the exam i preapared 15 yrs for and and now i can't pull myself together.
my strings r broken, worn down, a broken puppet in the dark
"our future and our fate lie in out wills more than in our hands, for our hands r but instruments of our wills"-B.C.Forbes
Too bad, so i lose out? becuz i dun hae a strong will?sigh, its scary just thinking abt it, if i dun pull myself together in time, and get a lousy L1r5,will go a lousy institution, and never be able to shine through the common hordes of common life, instead get trampled deeper into the mire...depressing huh? so my whole life seems to be balanced on dis particular exam, how comforting!
i can't study, sitting countless times with my books in front of me, but i can't concentrate, can't get anything in my head, so wat's the use of the pretense to be studying??
its _ again i guess,dis time i zhou huo lu mo already, i even try to draw him..oh my gosh..its very tiring, having to argue with my body daily.mental wars bwt my rational and unratonal mind daily is wearing me out....i hate myself for being mentally weak..for letting him invade my thoughts. Mind over body, but i found my body is stronger than my mind? its wearing my mind out, its detrimental, since i m supposed to devote all my energy on studying,
if i was a jigsaw like pooh,i'll just remove the jigsaw piece where my heart is, so easy to forget_, but i'm not a jigsaw...sadly
how do u forget someone?

huggies!

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

8:24 AM

HuGGiEs!!

i've added a hugs counter! check it out below..its really rad..u could get one for urself too!

be myself day

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Friday, October 21, 2005

12:25 PM

we had "be ourselves day" in school, each class is supposed to put up some sort of activities based on a theme, den let other ppl come and visit our booths...sigh, it turned out more ...boring den i tot. our class did close to nthg,it was rather disappointing. i tot tt dis "abnormal" school day could cheer me up, but i found myself feeling more and more "out of place"...esp during tt community singing.
dunno, bit depressing, hae been weeping on an off dis few days, during community singing, i cried during " welcome to my life", de lyrics seems to be echoing my sentiments perfectly....aw, down in de smelly dumps...
my class had a theme of "fashion disaster", and i'm one of e "disasters", thus i 'm supposed to walk around in ridiculous clothes, namely my friend's pjamas...anyway, i think de most fun part of de day is walking around in purple pjs and see ppl gawking...haha
other exhibits include origamis and balloons and juggling(yawn), and de most popular was a haunted house by 3D( they off the lights and make a maze, which we have to navigate through and find scraps of papers to allow us to have the much coveted stamps...hah)
sec 3 booths damn lag, de sec 2s r so pro, their whole classroom looks so nice!
anyway, de Artsfest was a yawn, almost all singing, cept for one flute performance, and a piano piece by Ma Rui ( she missed like, hello?sooo many notes...whoa! admire her still go up there and dedicate the song to S.S....oh my...)
most of e participants sharp and flat everywhere, either that or they suffer from sore throat or wat, sing very soft...cant hear a thing, de most commendable of the lot is Jia Yi ( fr choir) and Stella from 3F
pity ...i wanna see de sec2s artsfest, i bet its more exciting den ours, too bad, i miss the chance to see someone perform...

we had our open house on 15th of Oct, it was sianz...de atmosphere is like so stifling and proper...smile, must be on BEST behaviour, de public is scrutinizing us, must be ambassadors for RV....and blah blah. i pity de ppl hu came, de p6s look so frightened, like some rabbits caught in a car's headlights, they look around, but dun tok, dun ask, jus LOOK and point...sheesh...den when they r talked to, they jus say "erm..."
sad, lucky for me, i had balloons to distract me, the band r supposed to give them to visitors but they got snatched up by RVians instead....how nice, i got an orange and green twisted balloon stick from siqi, but it burst outside school...oooo, expand too much
the choir performance was quite ok, cept for the last time, i didnt sing tt time, helped zhi hui to flip de scores instead...there were so lil ppl, most of the ppl were RVians...looks like nobody's interested in RV's fabulous IP prob, i dun find it surprising, i'll choose NYGH and Hwa Chong any time...

shhh....i damn depressed, i find myself noticing HIM more,i tot i gotten over it?? erm...i saw W in canteen today, we both did de same thing, pretend we didn't see each other, great! so wat next?
dunno, see first...plus my marks....ms yang increased my history fr 20 to 27, so i passed, but i only get 64 overall, a B4
quite bad, considering last time i got de highest for history...i really got dethroned dis time( lucky my ss got 37, or i'm a goner)
i want to msg HIM, but i dun noe wat to say, afraid of being the fool i m....
so my hp lies in a corner...amazing, haven't touched it for a month...

raining depression

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

10:38 PM

raining depression

i just got back my results today,everything besides english.
its a bit depressing and disappointing, i thought i could have done much better
its been raining dis few days adding to the gloom of the miserable results
sigh
failed two subjects
L1r5....
sure over 20 le
disappointed
devastated
forebodom

black cloud looming ....

oh?!

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Monday, October 17, 2005

7:45 AM

some one's msn nick:
dun let personal grudges affect your judgements
dun let emotions affect ur performance
dun let yourself affect others

kinda philosophical, but it makes sense

oh?!

blahmesh! Rubbish@!

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

2:48 PM

haiz...i shouldn't feel so down..i mean, i'm actually just feeling sorry for myself..and its not gonna help me in any way...i just need to try again and hope it would work well dis time...well, wish me luck ppl....and besides i m counted lucky...i shouldnt grumble...God wouldn't like it plus.....hmmm...okie! :D
:D
:D cheer up
to me...haha

ps: my brother bought "The Cat Returns" for me! now i have ALL de movies tt studio ghilibi produced!!!( besides spirited away and howl's moving castle tt is)( studio ghilibi made "spirited away" and "howl's moving castle" and many many more, for those hu had no idea wat i'm toking)

yea...so jia u ppl, dun feel sad abt ur results....try again...de world's not coming to an end, u still have to lie tml ...haha. so jia u!

smilez

reality

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10:12 AM

i m so depressed these days...freaking...Ahhh!!! why m i just so lan?? I know i can do better, i should have worked harder,, but i just can't seem to have enough determination. but i know tts not a petty excuse for me to rest on my laurels.....sheesh!!! it seems pretty ironic, after torturing yourself for like three weeks at de least, u had to torture urself somemore ...cuz its reaping time!( what u reap u sow...) And i must say i'm NOT at all satisfied with de results, esp for maths....
other factors contribute to my depressing state of mind too, what with W and A. i heard some ppl talking about them, i feel weird, i don't know what tt meant.i asked W about thurs and W didnt ans, like i'm extra or something....oh wells, then, J and Y got like A1 for a maths and science...i was so damn shocked...i had always tot tt we were around de same lvl, den suddenly they shoot up so high. That elusive 'A" seems to b further up in de universe of marks, mocking me, its like a bright star, so perfect, rare, sparkling, brillant, and so far fom my reach. a star i'm not destined to achieve...my heart breaks...J, Y, W, marks....why do problems seem to clamber together and come as a bunch??

sheesh....

i hate myself. for pityingly, for not being able to pull myself together, for underestimating, for giving up, for slacking

i can't believe i've never seen it before, i m soooo blind. blind as a bat...

i want out from dis nightmare;
but i kept getting entrapped ;
again and again;
it's time to wake up;
but where's de exit?

i feel like crying
but i can't
tears welling up
suppressing it
not here
i can't cry here
milling ppl
doubt they would notice if i cry
but i yearn for affection
for caring voices
sheet
i m so pathetic
sobbx

Alas! a dreamer but never a seeker! dreamer...

newsflash!

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

7:00 AM

Newsflash!
1) i added some really cool links in my archives...i loved de italian joke...though its a bit racist la...on ur sound, u need to hear it to be able to laugh
2) de eggy affair is cute..go to the english site and click on "egg song" on the top right corner...and enjoy!! haha
3) i found a very touching trailer about God,( i'm a christian) any body is welcome to see it..plus de scenery is very nice! click on "view presentation"..on the website..enjoy!
4) For Manga and chibi fans....a cool and cute website wif wallpapers and other downloadable stuff...more feminine..basically its jus kaiwaii! see de "queen of dorks..."

*if there r other fun websites u like, pls tell me so i can link...thxz..

xrxams over1!

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6:30 AM

12th Oct
whew..exams over at last...jus finished my A maths paper today...KILLER sia...for those hu did de paper..i think i started dying at the circular measure question...sheesh...there goes...haha, an i think i'm gonna get dethroned for history..i've always gotten de highest in history...but dis exams i MISSED a blinking question!!!! 7 marks...die liao los..haha

lots have happened since i last blogged, besides getting migraines and panda eyes from staring at my exam notes( i swear i could have burned holes in de papers), oh ya, plus i fell down and scraped off half the skin on my right knee after history exam...(haha, shows how tired i was...i didnt look where i was gg, den it rained in the morn, so jus kinda fell off the path..sheesh, very embarrassing, den hu knew woeijye and weisheng came walking by..den feel like burying myself in a hole)

ok..before chinese exam tt day, i dug through my brother's book shelves, found a very provoking book called "Nanjing Massarce"...that was the most disgusting book i've ever read in my whole life....sheesh...shudder..still can feel all those goosebumps coming now i think of it...de book is basically abt how de Japs killed de chinese ppl during ww2, den de book was very VERY detailed..it even gave maps to show hu got killed where and how they died....eg, bits of flesh flew everywhere as machine guns blasted round after round...a bit gory..., should say its jus gory, gory,gory!!! de grainy pictures also quite disturbing man,piles and piles of dead ppl....sheesh!

and that is just de killings...wa, de book had 20 chapters, and 500 pages...all full of gory accounts of murders and rapes...yeah..ESP the rapes...i mean, it was very VERY vivid...u feel like u R there watching it happen..so tts the sicko part..i dun need to elaborate more la huh?....jus feel very "dirty" after flipping tru, shudder, now i really understand why the chinese were so infuriated with de japs for amending history in their textbooks...i'll b mad too..boy, i'm jus glad i wasn't born during tt time..

haha, its better to read it for urself..judge it urself, sooo..anybody interested?? hehe..i'll b glad to lend u...u can use it to test ur nauseous tolerance..haha, quite useful...
hmmm...so anyway, i went to Tiong Bahru Plaza to watch "Coprse Bride" wif W...de movie was really superb! the animation was really gorgeous...(tim Burton is a genius!!) ok...i got rather engrossed in the movie la...tok too much, think W think i very noisy la...oops...oh wel..haha, kept making comments, shoulda keep my mouth shut...but i ran out of cheesy hotdogs...so well..
de story was something like R an J, with de guy, victor at the wrong place at the wrong time..den got married to the corpse bride instead of victoria...den in the end, victoria got bethrothed to another shady character, Lord dunnowat( i cant remember), in the den, the corpse bride gave up victor and her soul went to heaven or something.. she turned into many butterflies..something like huan zhu gege series 2( hanxiang) and R and J( juliet got bethrothed too)

overall, i really enjoyed myself...haven't been so at ease for a long long time..... :D.....but i think i was rather cold to W though...we didnt tok much...but i feel not at all pressurized to speak..like its perfectly all right to stay silent...in other words, jus felt very comfortable wif W..til we went to eat la, W finished faster...den a bit awkward there...den i start stuffing myself cuz i eat very slow...( too many cheesy hotdogs...haha)
ok...so very sian now...open house on sat...any Primary six pro want to join RV?? got IP...haha...choir will b performing..though i dun see wats de pt...cuz, i bet de band and NPCC and de NCC will surely be shoutin and screaming or blasting all over de place..so choir? NADA...cant hear us at all...unless we get packed into some small sound proof room way up high...like special room one...either way..i'm definitely NOT looking forward to it....haha..til den ba..jus want to say happy birthday to some ppl below..