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Saturday, August 30, 2008

1:48 PM

family outing last christmas

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

tired

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Friday, August 29, 2008

11:02 PM

i'm really tired..

feel tried and sick..
and cant stop thinking of him tonight..
i've been trying to busy myself with many things just so i could laugh and move on..
but i'm feeling quite worn down and weak tonight..
sighs, not sure if its due to the mood swings thing that i'm feeling all this frustrating feelings. frustrating cos there's no one to share it , leaving me to shoulder the sadness and emptiness, while knowing nothing can be done.

he wont be checking my blog, cos i told him not too.. this i so i can type out what i really feel without feeling restricted..
and he's always really high on principles, so yea.. there's just myself here tonight.
liyan, if u're still reading this(in my dreamt scenarios) i miss u.. but i know u wont ever read this.

oh wells..
:'(

i should continue to busy myself

sentosa scrapbooking

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3:09 PM

i found this cool site called a smilebox that allows digital scrapbooking. made a scrapbooking of a sentosa trip that i went with yuan yuan wan sing and cat.

here's it...

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

i'm still feeling quite depressed... not sure if its STILL due to the breakup, my recent bad haircut, or my monthly mood swings..

went to the zoo yesterday, it was so fun! as in with everyone.. if i had went myself, i'll feel downright bored...

:)
we only walked half of the zoo before all of us were downright tired..

haha.. we never got to the play pen and the water play area... stopped at the west africa pavilion :)

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

i took more den 100 + fotos, as usual if u wanna see, just tell me :)
not comfortable with putting links here :)
kinda public

beijing closing ceremony

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Sunday, August 24, 2008

9:57 PM

the beijing olympics are over, like the news said, it is a bittersweet parting.

i'll miss it when its handed over to london, it strikes a resonant chord with me due to its asian-ness, its not just china who's breaking out of the mould, china is like the big brother representing the rest of the asian countries.

perhaps the western countries will recognise the uprising of the asians and that we are all equal individuals created by God.
:)

i love beijing!
:)
its no wonder so many ppl are enthralled by the olympics, for it holds the dreams of mankind, looking at the vast number of records and the many broken "impossibilities", it thrills me to keep looking forward.
i wonder what i can contribute to the world as well.. :)

i have hope
:)

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

6:08 PM

go girls!
i'm really proud of our table tennis girls, they really put up a brave fight, and i'd say that our silver is shinier den ever, cuz we made china earn their gold ;)

its quite impressive that singapore's match with china was one of the longest throughout this olympics.
lols, rmb poor hk got thrashed so badly, they lost in one hour.

any critic who is still harping on the foreign talent thing is incorrigible i would say.
i mean, do the efforts and determination etched on the faces of feng tian wei, wang yuegu and li jia wei looks put on?

and about ppl accepting tao li more den the three table tennis gals, thats just because she's been in singapore longer den they are?
so if time passes, and the three gals "grow" up in singapore, will ppl accept them then?

XD
anyways, m mighty proud of singapore,
proud to be singaporean.

u know, the gov is starting to realise the importance of sports, since it has the power to rally the whole nation :)

p.s, i feel so unfit watching olympics....

:(

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Friday, August 15, 2008

8:29 PM

yipee!
singapore finally ended its olympic medal drought!

go feng tian wei, u rock!

XD
felt so happy, go paddlers! :)

les miserables

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Saturday, August 09, 2008

2:43 PM

les misreables

Eponine - On My Own

EPONINE
And now I'm all alone again,
No where to turn, no one to go to
Without a hope, without a friend, Without a face to say hello to
but now the night is near,
and I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

been feeling rather down.. haven been allowed to go online due to prelims, my mind is thinking a lot of rubbish, i really wish i can focus 100 percent on my prelims.

i realised something abt him.
as in, i'm starting to see him in a diff light.
he has always been the same, before i met, when i met him, and after i met him.

its me that's changing..
he just isn't the sort of ppl i'm looking for.
and it hurts to know that.

Cosette - Castle on a Cloud Lyrics

There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors(hw) for me to sweep(finish),
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a room that's full of toys,
There are a hundred boys and girls,
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says "Cosette(roxanne), I love you very much."

I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.

rar...
feel bit better ranting

thoughts abt the future

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Monday, August 04, 2008

5:49 PM

think too much, talk to much
think i think too much
think i was too high, talk to much, lose decorum etc etc etc...

i hate yet to accept myself for who i m

actually i'm quite complicated.
sometimes i'll be like michelle, be the type of girl who likes to cheer ppl up, talk and share abt my life, my experience freely without caring or thinking what others think of me, or abt what others are thinking. of course, its not over the top kind of thing, as in will still be sort of sympathetic towards other's feelings, just not letting it affect me..

other times i'll be quite wary of how i behave, what's my "placing" in the class, whether i should speak at times or wht should i do etc etc... it just gives me a headache.

i had my last pe today, played a few rounds of frisbee... supposed to be fun, had some fun, laughed a lot.. den went to cheer the ppl from our class doing napfa.. think i was quite high now that i'm alone...
felt that i was commmanding and unncessary like keep screaming and clapping like a mad woman...

i bet others were looking.

again, back to weiyong's point.
i'm a person who is "gripped by fear"
i'm almost always thinking about what others think of me.

so maybe i'm thinking too much?
so now i'm thinking too much abt me thinking too much abt what others think of me?

rar...
complicated sia..

found the photo form, felt that some ppl like jd din really like my guts, was like commanding all over the place , like " class, remember this..." , " class remember that"
they'll usually listen to me for the first 5 seconds den start moving off.

its quite un-encouraging...
i mean, natatsha said on the bus that i seemed quite extroverted, haha, as in, extroversion with others, inrtoversion with my self, which is worse than introversion with others i think.
cuz i sustain the whole burden of thinking abt things,of what i should have done, said, acted, amended, what i shouldnt have, what i could have done better, whether others think that what i did was appropriate...

sighs..
i mean, i just like to think. it just comes like so naturally, i dun get tired, just frustrated sometimes, when the things i think about exist in a never ending loop . ;)

i'm not exactly a ra-ra fight-to-the-top-i'm-so-determined-to-study-hard-and-earn-big-bucks kind of girl, i kinda lack the drive, i never did have much of a drive to do things of a huge scale... (look at the way i'm slacking now) the only thing i'm interested in is like fashion etc. i read up on it subconsciously, just more interested when i see the words retail, business, cabin crew, travel...
not sure what i'm good at too.
ok at art, bad in music
bad in singing..
as in, i'm totally using the wrong techniques, just that no one knows, its hurts when i sing, which shouldnt be the case, and the more i try to sing properly, the more it hurts cuz i'm using my throat, but i dun know how to u know, switch back to diaphragm, ( i forgot how to use it after being sick for a long time and i couldnt sing) singing USED to be so relaxing and happy, but its not now anymore...

that's y i may never join alumni...

it hurts too much, i dun wan to destroy watever, and i asked some alumni, they said u just have to keep thinking lower, like heck, its super abstract... i'm trying and trying.. i try every sing time i open my mouth, breathe lower breather lower.. but it just keeps getting higher and higher.

i like talking one to one.
i like making art and crafts, tho need to pick up more sewing skills and stuff..
i like helping ppl, ( but feel disheartened after a long period, if all i get are ungrateful faces, need someone to replenish me and recharge me)

a speaker for the principle series talks said that if u have to try hard for something its a chore.

ok, so what m i good at?
not academic stuff obviously..
i can tell my jimmy choos, from coach from ferragamo...

but it feels like a superficial way to give back to the society..
iguess i'm still young, i want to impact the world in a way i uniquely can impact..
maybe not world, just ppl around me, my society.

it'll be nice if i could go back some class reunion and maybe say i'm doing a respectable job, not something flighty and superficial like fashion u know?

thats the competitiveness side of me..
again, its got to deal with WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME...

one day, i will shed that stigma...

i like to travel.
i like to take photographs, i like to see the culture of other ppl.

i dun mind organizing things, as long as i'm not by myself... as in i'm not influential to drive ppl, not extroverted, whatever,, cant even convince my own class to do things, m learning, but i can say i'm not a good leader.
not really a good member either.. somewhere in btw, like to command, and be commanded.. lols ( i mean, dun everybody?)
i think if i dun view it that way, i'll be happier and better off, just do what i should do for the moment.

complicated sia..

in other words, i want my cake and eat it. want to be in a respectable job ( that suits my interests and abilities yada yada)and wanna slack ad earn money at the same time..
the world is expensive.. to live the life that i want, i have to earn quite a bit, not highflying, just 3 to 4k at the least...

to be able to not live in a hdb flat..
actually hdb flat is fine, but must be renovated, i dun wan typical boring stuffy hdb flat with white cracked walls and plain white tiles...

i've lots of ideas for interior designs, but they're mostly graphic designs, so prob wont make it big to earn money..

what if my interests and abilities dun match?
a saying goes, love what u do, and do what u love, focus on something u like, and make sure u make it good.yeah..
like mr suren, he loved chem, and now he's earning lots just running tuition classes for ppl like me, and loving it, and the bucks are rolling in...

maybe i'l set up an art and craft store...
but online stores like maki squarepatch and little odd forests... their goods are really nice, and i doubt i could churn out so much plushies and pouches and what not..
i mean i cant live on that alone, i cant achieve my ideal life with it...

means i have to find a job...
means what?
maybe i'll really be a counsellor or a childhood teacher, or something..
i like small kids, just so that they're not mine! ( for now..)
( its weird, most girls find babies cute, i dun really, babies are babies, and they look like that, its like finding it amazing that guys have a triangular body shape and girls have hourglass shapes, i mean its just like that lo, babies are meant to be cute, and if all babies are cute, den none of them are cute, they're just them, i guess.. shrugs..)

haha lols

means if i wanna be counsellor i'll have to learn psychology, wee, but whoever heard of a counsellor who cant understand herself?

i might take business, but m scared of giving presentations, and i hate working for other ppl with some miserly fixed salary with only one hour lunch time and a 9-to-5 work day.
like wat... its like school just worse, cuz we have sch holidays, if u start working, thats it, no goal, no aim, just work work work, everyday report, (unless u take leave) i dun wan.. den no life too, cuz after 5, i'm always dead tired, prob to tired to look good ( to go dating and clubbing and what sheets..)

lalala
maybe i'm thinking too much.
anyways, i want something that changes everyday, maybe i'll go into news reporting, deadlines yes, but its moving, we're moving all the time..
not boring, office cubicle, once in a blue moon projects and endless socializing with clients, whats the point? ( if i was the client, i'd know this is just business networking, its superficial smiles, and whats, just to keep up the good facade so BUSINESS can improve..)

its just money money money..
and or this i get a fixed salary..

maybe i'm getting quite a biased view of things..
fixed jobs can mean stability.. however the me now, is not big on committment to boring things long term..
i skip sch and forge parents letters sometimes, when i just dun feel like going sch( i feel empty the whole day , but thats another matter)

lala.. so yeah...
what should i do lala

i should focus on my prelims first..

its so bad.. the preparation..
failed m chem class test...
rar...
careless careless careless, if this was the real thing, i'm dead..