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Friday, October 26, 2007

8:41 PM

i'd gotten back my results today.
i'm advanced.
so why m i not crying?
like what can i do now?
its fixed..
the problem is how to get better marks this time.
i feel like crying,not because of my grades.
its just that my dreams are slipping further and further away.

what the heck m i doing in jc in a blinking course i've not much interest in?

gg to poly
leaving my frens..
do i have like very close frens i'll miss a lot...
one or two ba.
tho they prob dun know it..
hmmm, if i ust carry on with this torturous one year more.. what if i really really die die cannot do well...
how come pl get A's so easily?
i really studied ma..how did they ans that will let them get A?

why are they so interested in science?

meeting in lt 1 with the teachers...
i wan to escape.

so if cannot do well, i dun have any H2s to go uni in, wouldnt tat be like wasting 2 years of my life when i could have a diplom by then?/

feel so sad...
i want to be in the touism industry...
i'mlooking more and more haggard, and ugly(in my opinion) each day.
long hair dun suit me
but i'm scared of the dresser, like the fate of my hair lies in her hands..

i dun really care now.
only when i reach home
and take a look n the mirror and gasp.. pixelated fringe..grungy sticky hair, huge and dark eye bags(crazy, i'm ageing..it wouldnt go away..), dull insipid skin, rough face, tho i scrub it daily..
sighs..
and i have sticky out ears..
the stewardess will have to bun their hair, if i have sticky out ears, chances of me being selected will fall, as in the expectation is high isnt it?
my teeth too...sighs..
i wish i was taller.

but

i cant change anything...
makes me mad
give up
just feel like crying
the door to this job is like slowly closing le


the teachers talk
i listen
but they come one soon
they always do...
they are not very dear to me..


so , i've funorama to crack my head on.
i've chalet to plan
(in a way so ppl will come, and that i wont be too tired for performance tml)
(i;ll prob be cooking all night again and wishing liyan was there with me, lonesome night)
(i dun like doin chalets and bbqs and what not, cuz i end up getting crazy running around houndig ppl for money, telling ppl what to buy, where to bring, how to go, den start fire, cook food for the rest of the night.

while they walk around following a cockroach..)

sighs...i guess if i want the badge, i'll have to do these too..

this time round chalet will be craizer, bbq pit not confirmed, there's only $30+ food money, almost died asking ppl to pay up..
treasurer collected but din really ask them to pay...
class fund is broke again..

not sure mr chew coming, not sure what's his present
not sure whether have enough food
not sure ppl will come
not sure if i'll get scolded again
not sure if 've enough time to study
not sure if i'll ever meet him in this whole blinking "holiday" period


sighs, funorama, repeat scenario
i've a bad personality..

really, seriously,i feel so bad tday, say something i shoudlnt to byran...
sighs...
oh no oh no..
feel like slapping myself mo..

poof, let it go ba..no use holding on to it..

i'm so out of sorts this few days...

so so , better buck up really fast...
right now...

almost all i have is spiralling outta control, the only dependants i have now are God, my family, him and myself ba...

sians.
supplememtary exams..


i shall do my best.

hope my best can match up to their bests..

Toh Wan Qin Roxanne

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Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.

I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.

I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.

I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.

I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.

I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.

It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.

I am random and fickle like the wind.

75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness

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