the end of the twilight saga

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Thursday, September 04, 2008

10:16 AM

i read like a mad man possessed and finished the 3 thick fat books in one and a half days. i'm not sure what drew me to it so passionately and madly, but i can come up with a few reasons.

i'm rather emotional , and is still recovering from a break that i thought would last forever, and the stuff in those books probably satisfied my side of emotions that i yearn for.(at least its better seeing what one girl getting what she want through the detailed desciption den to not experience anything at all)

reading the saga gives me something to do, some purpose in this few days, to finish them, to feel the emotions that i so want to feel.

ok, so now its the detaching time.

i cried last night,( i tend to subconsciously live out a book or a film after i'd seen them, recognizing with certain quirks bella has, trying to live them out, and getting frustrated if they dun.i called him, and yea, he's moved on, like i thought. thank goodness my phone batt went dead. its not awkward, but u could feel there's nothing to say anymore. just hanging on and not really feeling like hanging on, but we both cant bear to hang off, ok, at least for me.. )

la, i can do this , i wll not be affected by any random book or tv series again...

i muist remind myself that they are fake, they are conceived by a man's mind, such ppl and event DO NOT happen, haha, sounds simple and duh, but my mind cant take it.i'd still like very much to believe that all this is real,(just like harry potter, to some extent, so maybe its more dangerous to read this kind of books and stuff)
edward is too perfect, is too nice, too loyal too steadfast and one minded.
he has only eyes for bella which is , really fake in reality.
that's y the book is selling cuz ppl will like to believe that he's plausible.
he will never ever exist.
he also allows bella to be amazingly clingy, which will definitely be out of the question on earth, if u still want to keep ur guy, at least that's what i think.
also, he doesnt change, no matter what bella does, he doesnt change the way he views her, and of cuz this is nevre true in real life.
for eg if u're really bad at sports, the ball will be passed to u, cuz ppl learn that if they do so, they're team will lose.
some thing like that.

i'm feeling a bit more stable as its morning. always feel more disoriented and lonely and night, the silence can be quite piercing.

i'll be ok.

i thought abt shutting my blog cuz a certain old friend was alerted to my gloomy predicament recently, and i'm not comfortable with the whole world being able to know how i feel and judge me from there, like i'm sick poor soul who's pitiful.
but still, i cant help i'm overreacting, sorry G.
i'm not too good with situations like this, i need to think, i'm still too defensive from my rv days, and too sceptical and suspicious.
haha, in the end, i decided this blog will stay open.
say what they want, i will not bend my blog to fit anyone, its mine, and i never badmouth ppl here, so it shouldnt concern them.

and it makes me feel better, throwing all my troubles ino the blogosphere, its like a rebellious streak, cuz these things should be kept inside, yet i'm petulantly tossing them out, like a virtual dustbin, and it calms me to some extent.

Toh Wan Qin Roxanne

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Hello. my name is (Roxanne),and this is my online diary.

I love the color YELLOW, though i don't wear it.

I love clowns, frogs, polka dots, and whimisical brollies.

I love olden english, the Victorian era, and am a steampunk fan.

I love good architecture, classic designs, photography, and arts and craft.

I am a die hard Romantic and I love doing things with people I love.

It is my ambition to be a businesswoman , and my childhood dream to be an air stewarddess.

I am random and fickle like the wind.

75% unpredictablilty 20% steadfastness, and 5% craziness

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