chado, jayden and pre-camp jitters

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Thursday, July 01, 2010

1:25 AM

went with yansin to a traditional japanese tea demonstration today.
den went to watch karate kid
and now having pre-camp jitters

will post more on everything when i'm in a better mood..

i guess now i'm kinda shutting alot of people out.

its not you, its just me alright? sometimes i just dun wanna talk, so stop asking me questions, i can be downright talkative, i'll talk when i want to alright? i've no idea y myself, maybe thats why chuckles appeal to me, mean and grouchy.

perhaps its the pre-orientation jitters.
i hate fresh starts..

and i get tired easily..

can totally hear eugene's voice now: its your own life, whatever you choose to do, make sure you can bear the consequences..

thats how it always is with eugene.
inaugural life coach..

everytime i think of him i feel so mixed .. feeling pissed, lonely, appreciative, happy, regretful and a tinge of inferiority all in one bag..

and the thing is , i know he'll never care to read this blog anyways?

so want to punch something right now.
i dun even know why i'm thinking about eugene, just makes me angrier, between my reluctance to acknowldege that i have camp tomorrow and should sleep early, and my desire to " make things right" by following the schedule, and i dun know what else?

i wish i had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, yansin is right in saying, thinking too much makes your brain tired, and makes your brain hurt.

yea, it so does hurt now. my brain that is ..
gtg sleep, sim camp tomorrow, trying to neutralise my acid pessimistic feelings towards it, because if the feelings retain, tomorrow is bound to be bad.. so twisting my face into a sort of forced smile.
want or not, doesnt matter, this is something i gotta do.

Toh Wan Qin Roxanne

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